


shoot the moon

by shafusu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character with mental illness, Familial Neglect and Abuse, M/M, Sporadic additions of other characters, mentions of original characters - Freeform, mentions of self harm, the actual relationship comes in way later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:21:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6587203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shafusu/pseuds/shafusu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hear me out, I can hear you crying. </p>
<p>So take the hand that you're given, and shoot the moon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the inconsequential

**Author's Note:**

> The cerebral part of the body dictates all functions, no matter how inconsequential.

Nishinoya Yuu was a smile, an off-key laugh, a grin so wide it covered half of his face.

It was an image he wore with honor and distinction despite how utterly fake it was. The only thing that kept it from falling were a broken record of whispers that told him it was almost over. Yuu just had to hold out a bit longer.

The call of the whistle, Daichi vaguely screaming off to the side. Yuu hadn’t heard what he said, too busy quelling the growing nausea tumbling in his gut, but he wasn’t that stupid. With everyone running off in one direction, it was safe to assume Daichi had called for a team huddle. Routine clung to them all like a parasite, which was a good thing. Yuu wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep up with all of them otherwise.

“Keep up the good work, you guys,” Daichi began, practically radiating that paternal pride the whole team knew him for, “I have a good feeling about this year, let’s keep this up and aim for nationals!”

It took a bit of energy to be as loud as he usually was, but who was Yuu without a little effort?

So as the others cheered in unison, Yuu screamed at the top of his burning lungs. The source of the strength of his yell not the excitement induced by Daichi’s words, that was just a convenient excuse to scream at all the one time he could release all the pent up frustration stored in his body without being judged.

It was the only time where he could cry out, release the anguish he felt about having to go home at the end of a long day. No more excuses. No more attempts at extending time.

Practice was over.

Despite the sense of dread clawing, forcing it’s way through his body, he found the strength to keep smiling. Yuu had been keeping it up longer than usual, leading to that undesirable level of exhaustion that he felt so deep that he was sure it was practically coded into his DNA at this point. The darkening skies served as a reminder for the constant state of his head, something that rose bright and slowly became darker until nothing but artificial light was found as the only guiding savior.

A weirdly poetic death that came with sunsets.

It was nice though, dying a slow death all the time. Being suspended, then banned from club activities did nothing good for Yuu. He struggled to find excuses to stay out late, coming home to a skeptical look or two before they disappeared. There was no warmth or concern, not even over the top drama Yuu saw happen on sitcoms. A realisation that he could have died and the the world would continue spinning on it’s axis. Life and people would keep moving and no one would stop to turn back.

Everything was as cold as he felt usually, so it was nice, having something reminiscent.

Yuu watched on as the team dispersed in it’s usual groups, to which he gave half hearted waves. No one would question how lackluster the motions were, it wasn’t unusual to be tired after a long practice session so rigorous that he wondered if they were actually training for the Olympics and not a high school tournament.

Suga and Daichi went off together, so did Chikara and the others. It looked like Tsukishima was lagging behind waiting for Yamaguchi, who was deep in a conversation about the health benefits of french fries with Shouyou, who was being yelled at by Kageyama for taking too long to pay. It brought Yuu amusement for the time being, something to get his mind off those gnawing thoughts.

He had already sent Ryuu home without him, much to the other boy’s displeasure. Yuu wanted the walk back home alone, it was too late for Ryuu to walk him there then walk back. It’d be fine, he wanted the time for self reflection, a breather to prepare for when he got home. It’d taken a couple of choice words, and some playful shoves but eventually even Ryuu had to see there was no winning and promised to text him after a pointless study session.

Another smile, and Ryuu was gone.

Yuu stood alone, in front of the small store, tension coming over him as the emotion that bubbled up was one he felt was synonymous with home.

A soft breeze brushed against Yuu’s bleached bangs, sending a gentle shiver rolling over his back. His gaze drifted slightly, Yuu finding himself looking at nothing in particular. His body tingled, thrumming almost, a silent orchestra that played until his mind got away from him. Yuu felt like a stranger looking in, watching himself instead from a different realm. One that didn’t exist.

That was fine, truly, it was the only time he ever felt absolutely in control of anything he felt.

By not feeling at all.

“–Nishinoya?”

The timid call of his name cut through the thick darkness that coiled itself around him, bringing Yuu back to his body.

He blinked slowly, peering up and catching a glimpse at the culprit.

Asahi stood there, eyebrows raised slightly, looking more confused than anything else. Puppy-like, somewhat rounded eyes that held no secrets beyond a color that often reminded Yuu of those really soft chocolate truffles that he liked getting with the caramel centers. Normally, he would have accepted that gaze, had it been any other day. Yuu would have found Asahi’s concern endearing, the reality being that he just never liked admitting how much he liked the other boy’s attention being on him.

Except for today, clearly. Yuu wanted nothing to do with this.

The only desire he had was to somehow be able to erase memories, like those flashlights in those aliens versus policemen movies Ryuu loved to watch all the time.

“Oh, sup, Asahi-san. Y’ need somethin’? I was just about t’ start headin’ home,” Yuu replied, feigning casual talk like the expert he was.

He should become an actor.

Or a businessman.

Asahi tilted his head a bit, “Oh, I was just worried. It–uh, looked like you were spacing out, that’s all.”

Yuu bit the inside of his cheek, making note not to let his guard down again.

“Oh, that! It happens sometimes,” Yuu explained away merrily, trademark grin making an appearance for good measure, “I’m imaginin’ all the goods I’ll be gettin’ for dinner tonight!”

Asahi hunched over Yuu slightly, and he could have sworn the older boy was looking straight into him. Fear filled the crevices as those eyes he had become so familiar with looked him over, making Yuu go stiff from the uncertainty. Having someone so close who was so unnecessarily large, it made him feel unbearably strained.

Or maybe it had more to do with not wanting to be found out.

Asahi reached a tentative hand out, clasping Yuu’s shoulder, “Okay, if you’re sure,” He replied, dopey smile curling over his lips, “You have my number, right? If you need anything, call me.”

“Gotcha!” Yuu cried happily, bouncing back into his routine as soon as he could tell the coast was clear, mock salute and everything following soon after.

Asahi let out a breathy chuckle, moving away and offering a wave, “See you tomorrow, Nishinoya.”

Yuu let Asahi walk, waiting until he was out of sight to let his grin fall down from his face again. Every interaction became tiring, talking and trying to live a lie. Yuu felt the weight of the fake world he carried come crashing down on already abused muscles as soon as the day was officially over.

It ended the moment the whistle rang, ended when all his teammates and friends were out of sight. The adrenaline they caused to pump through his veins drained away until there was nothing left of Yuu but his usual empty shell. His chest constricted, often bringing him physical pain and discomfort when the whole team surrounded him. He could often handle a handful, but nothing more. The slaps to the back lit his skin up, turning it into live wire.

And yet, he couldn’t live without any of them.

Shoulders slumped as bitter remorse settled over every layer of skin his body possessed, burying deep until both it and Yuu were practically symbiotic.

In agony alone, but lonely without others. Yuu laughed to himself, one filled with contempt. It was almost like he was doomed to repeat the cycle, from morning til dusk, a wicked curse he figured had no remedy. Not even the whipping winds could do anything to dispel the sheer cold that had him encased so deep it was a wonder he hadn’t died of hypothermia yet.

Yuu walked the whole way home, no real desire to be there despite how much homework he had. Every step was slow, meditated, the warmth on his shoulder lingering and providing some sense of security as he passed by blackened walls.

From the outside, Yuu heard no noise, offering gentle taps at the door before wrapping battered fingers around the doorknob. He gripped and turned, pushing inward when he realised the door had been left open again. That was not unusual, the door was periodically left unlocked, Yuu was usually the only one who bothered to close it at any time. He didn’t know if it was laziness or indifference, or how they hadn’t been burglarized yet, but Yuu knew they didn’t have much to take so he didn’t question it further.

The house was coated in pitch black, Yuu toeing off his shoes and throwing them off to the side quietly before making his way into the sanctuary of his room before he was detected.

By now, the storm in his head had subsided leaving nothing but still water illuminated by dull moonlight. Not a ripple worth a breath, nothing Yuu’s calloused hands could grab onto to keep afloat in a sea of nothing. He had no energy to be hungry, no energy to pick his things up from where he had tossed them. Yuu could hear his phone vibrating from the recesses of his bag, and he had no energy to pull it out or even wonder who it was.

He’d be awake around three in the morning, plenty of time to bullshit his homework if he rushed.

For now, he grabbed at the blankets in the corner of his room, laying down and curling up. Memories of the day came rushing back despite how hard Yuu tried to shove them away.

He tugged the old fabric over his head, curling up on his section of the floor, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to drown out the noise.

The thoughts, the surge, the comfort that remained on his shoulder.

All he wanted now was sleep.


	2. eyes, not those eyes, eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The eyes are windows to the soul.

It was always the damn whistle and haunted him. The cheer of the opposing side, his body slamming roughly against the polished floors of the court. Yuu’s fingers were always too short, his eyes forced to watch the ball hit the floor in excruciating slow motion. Off to his side, Asahi and Daichi, both watching the same moment of death, slamming with the same force.

 

Yuu felt a chill travel through him, the hair on his arms standing slightly as he felt his sweaty body alight with a raging fire. He had always been fueled by flames, fueled by that constant billowing ember, but this was different. The horror in his eyes was not from losing the match, but from the twisting in his stomach.

 

Those tiny little voices in his head came back, reached up from the depths of his brain and fluttered into view around the light of the dimming candle in his head, putting it out and leaving nothing but echos.

  
_‘If only you reacted faster…’_

  
_‘If only you would have proved you actually were with something to the team.’_

  
_‘The one thing you thought you were remotely good at…’_

  
_‘If only you were…’_

  
The chorus of “if only” and “just maybe”, phrases that cut deep into Yuu’s soul and left more than just a mark. Those anomalies managed to pull him out of his sleep. The dull ache of a migraine loomed over Yuu, and he decided there was no real point in trying to get any more sleep than he already gotten. With a few twists against the floor, he pulled himself out from under the tangle of sheets that enveloped his body.

  
Yuu shuffled quietly on all fours over to his forgotten book bag, wrapping stiff fingers around the straps. He tugged the bag over and sat on the backs of his legs as he pulled the flap open, sifting through the contents in search of his phone.

  
Yuu blinked the grogginess out of his eyes, pulled the device out of the crevices, waited for it to light up. The clock read four in the morning, the small message icon decorating a space on his notification bar catching his sleep deprived eyes. Yuu couldn’t remember if he heard his phone go off, though he couldn’t remember much of anything that happened yesterday.

  
He checked his inbox, eyes widening in surprise as he scanned the messages.

 

From: Ryuu!!

 

**[Text]**

idk if ur still awake but that shitty sitcom about the doctor and his mistress that u rly like is on sis is watchin it ill give u the deets 2morrow if u miss it kay??? love ya 

  
Yuu couldn’t help but smile at the message, making a mental note to reply later before moving onto the more surprising message.

  
From: Super Bun!!!

 

**[Text]**

Nishinoya, don’t worry about our dual practice session tomorrow morning. You’ve been working harder than anyone else, especially today.

  
I’ll see you at the gym!

  
Yuu should have taken that as a blessing, grateful that he didn’t have to start moving as early as usual. Asahi was taking his well-being into consideration instead of making him go against his will to one of their joint practice sessions. It was too early to move, the soreness in his legs an eerie reminder of something he couldn’t remember from the previous day.

  
Except that wasn’t what he felt at all.

  
Yuu felt like an utter let down. He knew Asahi wasn't mocking him or belittling him, but that knowledge wouldn't make that all too familiar sinking feeling go away.

  
Any other person would be able to get up and get their schedule down to an art. Yuu was able to he previous year, why couldn’t he do that now? He had been the one to suggest the dual practice regiment not long after Asahi returned to Karasuno, so that they could learn to be better in sync with each other. It wasn’t fair that he was the one falling behind and it ended up being Asahi who reminded him. There was no excuse.

  
Not for him or his shitty, ill gotten attitude.

  
To: Super Bun!!!

**[Text]**

Hey!! im up and im coming over get ready bc ima show you up again like last time “ace” no chickening out!!

  
He didn’t think until he had tapped the send button that this may not have been for him.

  
Yuu didn’t consider that reality that maybe Asahi secretly wanted the day off for himself as well. Blurred memories of the previous day surfaced in his head, the way Asahi was looking at him. He could have been sizing him up, realizing he didn’t want to practice with someone that spaced out or couldn’t get out a proper excuse. The reasoning was there, and though Yuu had never known Asahi to be cruel, how much did he really know him? He couldn’t put anything past anyone he didn’t know on a personal level.

  
Yuu knew he wouldn’t want to hang around himself for extended periods of time.

  
It hadn’t occurred to him how tightly he had started holding his phone until it vibrated in his hands, startling Yuu enough that he almost to dropped it. His eyes quickly drifted downward, surprise flickered up his face once again in light of getting a response. It brought on a slew of questions, like what his upperclassman was doing awake at such a despicable hour.

  
From: Super Bun!!!

**[Text]**

Well, if you’re absolutely sure you’re completely fine I’ll be more than happy to meet up. I’ll be at the park by five like usual, don’t worry about bringing the ball, it’s my turn to bring it.

  
See you soon, Nishinoya.

  
Before he could reply, he got another text.

  
From: Super Bun!!!

**[Text]**

Your enthusiasm in messages is infectious.

  
Yuu typed up a quick response before biting at a thumbnail, inwardly cursing himself for his senseless assumptions and pitting them against Asahi of all people. There was no reason to accuse, and yet Yuu figured even that wasn't enough to get him to stop.

  
The worst part was knowing that, how little in control he was.

  
He let out a deep sigh before getting up and making his way over to a pile of clothes that sat in the corner of his room.  Yuu sorted through it, mulling over how he hadn’t taken a proper bath last night, the heaviness in his bones had been too great for him to do much else other than sleep and hope it wouldn't come back the next day. Hygiene usually wasn’t a problem, Yuu liked bathing, though sometimes he couldn’t even bring himself to use the bathroom much less shower himself.

  
Homework wasn’t done, but one more fail wouldn’t do much else to his already ghastly grades.

  
Once he was done sorting through the mess, he gathered all his things and set up his bags before making a motion toward the door. The skin along his back prickled, anxiety bubbling in his chest, threatening to constrict his insides. Yuu noted his reaction was to merely opening the door, how over the top it was. It was almost as if he were being hunted, as though he was caught in someone’s line of sight, meticulously watched from behind and mocked quietly. There was never any actual danger to him, none that warranted the behavior he exhibited and had no control over. No one was awake to point fingers and judge, and even then…

  
Yuu shook off the thoughts that threatened to spill from the crevices in his brain, took in a deep breath and quietly scampered into the kitchen. He remained crouched slightly, looking around before climbing onto the counter and pulling out a few sugary cookies. Securing the snacks in his fingers, he hopped down from the counter and made it back into his room, promptly stuffing the goodies into his bag.

  
A trip to the bathroom, a quick change of clothes, enough concealer to hide the dark bags etched under his eyes, some gel and obscene amounts of scented products later, he was good to go.

  
Yuu threw his bag over his shoulder, carefully pulling apart the doors to the backyard apart. There was no reason to go out this way, but habits liked digging their talons into Yuu. The front door seemed like an enemy. It judged silently as he closed the sliding doors behind him and head toward the fence. Weary body lurched forward against its will, his fingers grabbing a hold of the top and lugging himself over until he landed flat on the sidewalk.

  
The clock on his phone read four fifty three in the morning. The park was a five to ten minute walk away from where Yuu lived. It was chosen for their convenience. The school was ridiculously close to Yuu’s home, Asahi lived a bit farther out from what Yuu knew.

  
If it wasn’t for that fact and how little time they would have to get back without being late, Yuu would have insisted Asahi choosing their meet up point–fully knowing he wouldn’t have gotten anywhere with someone as adamant as Asahi could get when he put his mind to it. The other boy had a habit of going out of his way to help those that deserved none from him.

  
Asahi went out of his way, more than Yuu ever really cared to. Problems arose quite often as a result.

  
In his thoughts, he wondered if perfection was achievable. Could Yuu become that? Could he become of any actual use to the team other than a motivational speaker? He was in the starting line up and even that felt utterly devoid of feeling.

  
He drowned out the rest as the park came into view, a little more than ten minutes later. Yuu tried to swallow the fact he was late, despite living so close.

  
He scanned the area for his upperclassman, finding him resting quietly against a tree.

  
Asahi held a volleyball between those large hands of his, wearing sweats and a long sleeved sweater. Instead if the usual bun, his hair was pulled into a ponytail that rested against his shoulder. It wasn’t an unusual appearance, he had seen that outfit on multiple occasions prior to this one. Asahi’s hair lead Yuu to believe other things however, like how long ago he actually woke up.

  
Yuu whistled to grab Asahi’s attention as he got closer, watching him flinch in response before waving.

  
“Good morning, Nishinoya,” He greeted, a soft smile gracing his features.

  
“Mornin’ Asahi, ready to get started?” Yuu managed to get out, unwilling to form a smile if he knew it wouldn’t come out the way he wanted to.

  
A morning person he was once upon a time.

  
Chilling, to believe, especially considering the battered mannequin of a human being he was now.

  
“Yeah, I’m ready. I’m actually a little surprised you decided to come out this morning,”  Asahi commented sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

  
Yuu quirked a brow in response. Asahi was surprised he wanted to come out, and although there was no maliciousness in his voice, Yuu’s mind began contorting that image. Those soft eyes were liars and all Yuu could do was attempt to quell the raging storm of thoughts that threatened to spoil his attempt at having a relatively calm morning.

  
To no avail, as usual.

  
“Why?” His voice sounded too accusatory, and Yuu winced as a result upon noticing the quick downturn of Asahi’s lips as he fumbled, trying to find a way to get something past his mouth.

  
The last thing Yuu wanted was a bite in the ass as a result of his pushiness, no matter how much he deserved it.

  
“I didn’t mean to make it sound like you shouldn’t be here, Nishinoya. You just seemed–tired…I’m sorry. I won’t try to assume again,” Asahi moved a hand off the volleyball, patting Yuu’s head, “Let’s go to that spot over there and start running,” He gestured over to an area off the main trail, to which Yuu only quietly nodded in response.

  
What Yuu saw in his eyes was discomfort, unused to a sharp tone, used for reasons Asahi couldn’t understand. Yuu didn’t understand either, and even now with the issue addressed he still found himself doubting Asahi. Emotions that he didn’t want rose to the surface like oil in a body made of nothing but water. Malicious bubbles that told him never to believe someone like Asahi.

  
No one is that soft.

  
He laughed quietly despite himself, the noise sounding more like a pained grunt. Yuu balled his hands to fists, half his strength and resolution draining quietly from his body. And yet, he still pressed forward, following after Asahi without hesitation. His body was too rigid as he moved, head pulsing angrily, but he'd be damned if he lost to this this early on the morning.

  
Yuu just had to last a bit longer. He couldn't give up yet, not when his day had just begun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If only if only.
> 
> These are written as five page bursts.
> 
> I am tumblr user shafusu and I'm about as put together as Noya is. Thank you for reading. If you're enjoying this let me know.


	3. nyte and an invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A series that shouldn't have been given the green light for release.

“'Kay, so like, Sheila turned out to be some vampire that could shapeshift,” Ryuu began, wiggling his bitten piece of bread at Hisashi, “And she was pretending to be Cassie so that Dr. Blake Nyte would kiss her and break her curse with true love’s first kiss. Shit was weird, she almost got away with it too.”

  
“Awe man, and here I thought Nyte was gon’ get with Cassie,” Yuu mumbled quietly, poking at his lunch with a finger before picking up a piece of meat and eating it.

  
“Nah, nah. You aren’t looking at the big picture,” Hisashi chimed in, attempting to bite at Ryuu’s bread first before continuing, “He doesn’t want Cassie, cause if Cassie was Sheila then she was never Cassie. She just looked like her.”

  
“I can’t believe you guys actually watch that thing. It’s absolute garbage and the acting is atrocious.”

  
“Come on, Chikara. It’s so bad it’s funny,” Yuu offered a smile, giving the boy a light shove, ignoring the look of scrutiny he was receiving.

  
“It’s a poorly subtitled show that made it on air long enough for us to find and watch it. The least we can do is appreciate it as ‘n art form,” Ryuu piped in with a nod more for himself than anything else.

  
“Well, I think it’s an…interesting way for all of us to relax after a rigorous study session.”

  
Hisashi reached over, jabbing Kazuhito between the eyes and earning a quiet grunt in return, “You paused, and besides what’s the point of watching if you admitted last night that you couldn’t understand a single episode.”

  
“Narita don’t tell me you watch that awful piece of crap, too,” The exasperation in Chikara’s voice was palpable.

  
Kazuhito scratched at the back of his head, mumbling, “Don’t gang up on me.”

  
Hisashi kept with his pointed humor, Ryuu doing nothing but encouraging while Kazuhito humored them both. Chikara was the most sensible of the group, and he kept them grounded. Yuu usually chimed in as well, adding his two cents as long as he felt they were well founded.

  
Laughter continued to permeate the space they occupied at their selective desks, Yuu dragging his feet slightly in joining the other boys in their usual and shenanigans. He appreciated them all, truly, from Ryuu’s clear devotion to a show that was so trashy it’s a wonder how it was made in the first place, to Chikara’s clear disapproval. It helped though, more than any of them would ever truly understand. Those sickening thoughts had nothing to latch onto, nothing to write home to about in the wake of the comfort he felt around his friends on most days.

  
It was something to help him forget about this morning.

  
Asahi had been scared, but he kept up his end of their agreement, even buying Yuu breakfast while on the walk back to school. Yuu knew Asahi’s kindness and tolerance knew no true bounds but even rubber bands made of the strongest elastic could come apart under intense strain. Eventually something had to give when the pull became too much to bear, Yuu just wasn’t sure if he wanted that. He had gotten back the older boy’s friendship and really what more could he have asked for after the fall out they had, despite how long ago it might’ve been.

  
Despite the distrust that settled in his bones.

  
Despite how long it’d been since his second personal fallout.

  
By now, it'd been some time since Yuu’s meltdown after their match with Aoba Jousai, although that had been an absolute secret. He still bore the scars from that breakdown, the scratches that littered themselves over his chest in long zigzag patterns and jagged remnants. The only thing that remained was that breathtaking sting.

  
Yuu tugged absentmindedly at the front of his blazer, startling a bit when he felt a hand pat his back gently.

  
“C'mon Noya, we gotta get to our next class, bell rung,” Ryuu spoke softly, a kind smile settling on his face.

  
Yuu nodded, returning the smile as he rose to his feet, “Thanks man, I kinda spaced out there for a bit.”

  
“I’ll say, Chikara called ya a statue and y’ still didn’t respond. Anythin’ goin’ on at home? Mom said she’d be happy to take ya in again like last time.”

  
“No, no. I’m okay for now. Just gotta get more sleep,” He waved off Ryuu’s concern with a grin, picking up his half eaten lunch and tossing it away into the trash before heading out.

  
“Only if yer sure, Noya. Just lemme know if ya need anythin’,” Ryuu replied with a bright grin before sauntering off in the opposite direction.

  
Yuu gave a slight wave, letting his shoulders sag as he made his way toward his classroom. His shuffling footsteps mixed with those of his classmates made everything seem terribly unreal. He’d pass by one hundred people and it felt like all of them were looking at him. They judged him through silent eyes, blackened faces coveting nothing for his sake. Bright white sneers firmly in place to set off the motion of the world spinning, looming dangerously far from Yuu. It went to the point where he thought he’d fall off the edge, drawn into that black abyss.

  
Class went much of the same way, his mind refusing to make sense of the paragraphs in front of him. Although Yuu’s scores were absolutely miserable, he always thought he was good about at least getting some semblance of a score. His unorthodox answers were always chuckled at briefly or ridiculed. It hadn’t changed much, though he took it better in both primary and junior high.

  
Yuu caught himself a bit, and wondered briefly. He couldn’t remember the day it all changed. All he could remember was when his parents eyes no longer shined for him, looks of disappointment. Their quiet whispers to their friends, how hard it was to deal with a kid like him. Their lives were so difficult, but at least they had been blessed with two other children. Although they were both girls and couldn’t carry on the family name, they were smart and full of promise. They were unlike the middle child, the one they were kind of grateful they didn’t really give a thought in what name to give him.

  
He was forgettable.

  
But he struggled to understand by just how much.

  
It hadn’t occurred to Yuu for that he was moving purely on instinct until his eyes shot open and he was staring up at the gym’s ceiling. Sweat pooled on the polished floor beneath him, his white shirt sticking awkwardly to his aching body. Yuu couldn’t even remember if practice was over. Gold eyes panned over, blinking a bit as though he’d just roused from a coma, focus landing on the rest of the team as they finished putting away the equipment.

  
It wasn’t the first time this had happened, a bitter sigh passing his lips as he sat up and stood. Yuu grabbed the hem of his shirt, cleaning off the moisture that rolled off his forehead. He took a second to hope no one had noticed, or known how badly he had just spaced out.

  
He didn’t even remember leaving class.

  
“Oi! Noya!”

  
Yuu turned his attention toward Ryuu, who stood off to the side right next to Asahi. The both of them looked absolutely rung, but had been clearly having an idle chat while Yuu became symbiotic with the ground. That alone was enough to let him know that he had come back from that dark existential plane just as practice had ended.

  
Still, he didn’t move until Ryuu beckoned him over.

  
“Those were some sweet receives man, ‘xcept Dai-san thought y’ were abnormally quiet. Didn’t even react when he yelled at ya to get off the floor,” Ryuu started, giving Yuu’s upper back a slight rub. His eyes spoke concern, betraying the excitement in his voice.

  
“I was in th’ zone y’ know?” Yuu lied through his teeth, hands on his hips, “Cant mess up my groove even if it means sleepin’ on the floor.”

  
“You did exceptionally well, although you did miss two,” Asahi added with a small upturn of his lips, “They were both Hinata’s quicks, though, so it’s understandable,” His hand reached over, patting Yuu lightly on the shoulder in an attempt to reassure him.

  
Just like last time.

  
Yuu shook his head as both boys moved away from him, quietly thankful for the breathing space, “Gotta learn how to get those too Asahi-san. They’re still quicks, ridiculous ones but not invincible."

  
“Your fighting spirit is as admirable as always, Nishinoya.”

  
“He’s a man of his word, Asahi-san. There ain’t much more to it,” Ryuu concluded firmly, arms folding over one another.

  
Yuu offered them both his first genuine smile in days, turning his focus wholly on his best friend not too long after.

  
“Why’d you call me over, Ryuu?”

  
He seemed shocked for a moment, visibly thinking before snapping his fingers, “Oh yeah! Asahi-san said he was willin’ to help me study some stuff and work on m’ form for practice on Sunday. I was thinkin’ why not ask y’ to join. Sunday’s are usually our thing.”

  
They were, that’s what made them special. But who was Yuu to tell Ryuu to keep Sundays solely for the two of them. He couldn’t monopolize an entire day, he already started to monopolize various hours. On top of that, Ryuu was even inviting him to come along, Asahi clearly wasn’t against it.

  
Despite what happened earlier.

  
It was probably out of pity.

  
No, it couldn't be. No one here was truly that hateful, Yuu liked to believe against the ridiculous chiming his brain liked to make that argued with any other shred of logic or reason. If he couldn't believe, Asahi, that was one thing, but to distrust Ryuu was another level he wasn't about to reach. No matter how many troublesome inklings chose to come unwelcome through both the used and hardly used portions of his brain.

  
Tossing those thoughts aside, a toothy grin broke over Yuu's features as he felt another crack go through his body like a fissure.

  
“Of course I'll be there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only just begun. 
> 
> These are written in short five page bursts with slight editing from their original forms. 
> 
> A brief reminder that idyllic doesn't necessarily mean most important.
> 
> On tumblr I am also Shafusu.


	4. the rendezvous point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every action has an equal or opposite reaction, even an action as simple as taking a step forward--
> 
>  
> 
> they just might be a little delayed

The alarm sounded aggressively, ringing in Yuu’s ears and dragging him unwillingly back to consciousness.

  
He stuck a hand out, patting the floor repeatedly until he found the source—his phone. Yuu tugged it over groggily, slipping it under the blankets with him. His eyes scanned the dimly lit device, scowling and shutting off the reminder that displayed itself on the screen without really looking to see what it was. It was too early to breathe, too early to use his brain and certainly too early to read.

  
Instead, Yuu dug his head into the mat beneath him, rubbing his forehead furiously against the coarse fabric.

  
Sunday had come around faster than he thought it would. The whole week flew by him, and Yuu couldn’t even say with certainty hat he remembered most of it. The only thing he remembered with clarity was being late to practice on Saturday.

  
He grimaced as the memory resurfaced.

  
His parents had caught him trying to leave the house early in the morning, Yuu thinking the coast was clear enough to escape out the front door since the side door to the yard was locked. He should’ve known, though, he should’ve known there was a reason for that. It wouldn’t have been hard to figure it out, but he was tired in the morning and thinking was something Yuu wasn’t necessarily good at around five in the morning.

  
They had pulled him to the side to question him about the test scores he had received, griping about how he wasn’t improving from the last time they had seen his grades. How he used to be so good in school, a child with so much potential that they thought it was almost criminal. There was no reason for him to be failing.

  
Yuu was usually very good at grabbing any report cards, or tossing away any passed back tests. The school even had his number instead of his parent’s. He had slipped this one time, having decided to toss a recently failed English final into the garbage after getting back home on Friday. Too much had happened that day for him to deal with, and he had been planning to get back to it eventually.

  
Distress held him in a vice grip, a bitter sensation flooding his lungs as both his parents had continued to berate him. It was their chance to tell him that he needed better influences. Perhaps volleyball just wasn’t the thing for him.

  
And at that he froze, his legs gluing themselves to the ground while his mind went into overdrive. Yuu wanted to leave, a lock unlatching and giving him the strength to do just that. He bolted out of the room, and toward the front door, slamming it open and hopping over the gate just to avoid having to open it.

  
Their yells of his name were ignored.

  
They were wrong as usual anyway, volleyball was the only thing keeping him going half of the time.

  
Yuu’s nails scratched lightly against the mat, dread settling in his gut as the idea of being forced to leave the one thing he felt he had going for him bubbled aggressively to the surface.

  
If it was up to Yuu, he’d stay there on the floor. He would lay on his makeshift bed all day and melt into the mat beneath him. It seemed so much easier to just cease to exist, so much easier to avoid dealing with anything. The twisting in his stomach would settle, the voice and faces of people—like burned masks–would go away. His thoughts would dissipate, joining the soundless abyss and he’d be left alone in sweet silence again.

  
His eyes drifted closed for a moment—only to be reopened when his phone went off too close to his hand.

  
Yuu glared at the electronic, the scowl fading when he saw that it was a text message that he had received. He dragged a finger over the icon, the phone responding by opening it.

  
**From:** Super Bun!!!

**[Text]** Tanaka just told me that he didn’t give you my address. Why he thought you’d just know how to get here is beyond me, but I’ll send it over. We’ll be waiting okay?

I even have a surprise for you.

  
Yuu stared hard at his phone, his fingers trembling as he struggled to find his breath. He had completely forgotten of the plans he had made on Thursday. Yuu couldn’t even say for sure that it was a slip of his mind, he could have intentionally forgot, the memory tucked away far out of his reach for some subliminal reason Yuu couldn't even dream of pinpointing. There was no point on dwelling on the thought more than he had to, though his brain chose to pick at the tattered synapses in an attempt to remember.

  
A study session?

  
The realization aside, he was quick to raise himself up to his feet and run across to the other side of his room. His casual pile of clothing rested on the ground, Yuu sifting through it until he grabbed a muscle shirt, a pair of jeans and his favorite sweater.

  
His brain was working out the time, vaguely remembering that his phone read ten in the morning. It wasn’t too late, but not ridiculously early too. There was no telling how late he was, but at least Yuu’s parents weren’t home.

  
They usually took Rei out on Sunday mornings, she was a vibrant little thing, jewel of the family. Initially, she used to always ask their parents why they hadn't thought to wake Yuu up, unwilling to leave without him. It wasn't like their parents could tell her that half the reason for how frequently he was left out of family time was due to his attitude. His parents and Yuu didn't see eye to eye, things would get awkward, a plausible reason to leave him.

  
Not that he cared.

  
They could have all the fun they wanted, his youngest sister deserved everything the world had to offer anyway.

  
He trudged over to the bathroom, gazing at his appearance in the mirror as his hands reached for a small band to tie his hair back with before changing his clothes.

  
Yuu tugged at the darkened skin that decorated the area below his eyes as soon as he was done, mulling over whether or not he should cover it up. He usually didn’t on Sundays, just because he was too tired and Ryuu already knew that he had them. There was nothing to hide, nothing to show that Ryuu didn’t know about.

  
And although part of him didn’t want Asahi to learn about even the smallest marks that littered his skin, he figured that showcasing how little he slept wouldn’t matter in the end. There was no real reason to hide it, though it might rouse suspicion.

  
Yuu shrugged and decided he’d busy himself with regretting it later, too tired to care and too unwilling to give a damn at this point.

  
He ran back toward his room, picked up his bag off the ground before making sure the house keys were with him, then promptly making his way out of the house.

  
Yuu fished his phone out of his pocket once he locked the door behind him and was out on the sidewalk. He swiped through his messages, picking out Asahi’s address and blinking in relative surprise.

  
He didn’t live too far off, although it was quite the walk. Yuu estimated he’d get there within the hour. The streets were something he knew and understood well. There were many days where he’d run away in the middle of the night, successfully getting himself lost and only returning as soon as he had memorized enough cross streets and roads to make a small map of the region. It was instinctual, an awfully useful trait he didn’t really get to show often. It was one of the few things he was inherently proud of.

  
Though, that left the question as to why it had been Asahi to remind him and send him the location. Yuu assumed he could chalk that up to his best friend’s lack of awareness to things that didn’t totally involve him. There had been many a day where Ryuu would get horribly fired up about something that Yuu couldn’t identify and charge off alone. It usually happened on Sunday's, their designated hang out day. It was the only day out of the week that Yuu got to lower his guard, and the only day where he got to be around his best friend without anything to distract him.

  
Usually he’d find a way to muster up what little energy he had left to follow after Ryuu, joining him in his rampage. They were powered by run of the mill teenage addled hormones but even Yuu needed some time to recharge already strained batteries.

  
Yuu took in a deep breath of fresh air, clearing his overactive brain in time before he arrived at Asahi’s home.

  
It was small, smaller than he thought it’d be. The address had suggested an apartment complex of some kind, but Yuu wasn’t necessarily sure what he was expecting. Who was he to judge someone based on their appearance? After all, Yuu’s family wasn’t exactly poor but he sure liked to dress like he didn’t have access to better clothing. In his case, however, it was all childish anger and resentment. Yuu would rather do things he never would have dreamed than turning to his parents and asking for anything out of them.

  
Couldn't even get him to take tupperware.

  
He shook his head violently before walking into the complex and taking the stairs to the second floor. Yuu followed the directions Asahi had given him, walking down the corridor, reading the numbers on the multiple doors before coming to a halt in front of one that read 6-B.

  
He pressed his ear to the door, hearing the quiet rhythms of music and a few choice words exchanged by the inhabitants. Yuu couldn’t hear them too clearly, but it sounded like a brief discussion on the structure of a sentence and whether or not it should be configured however which way it needed to be. A brief health lesson, a resounding "oh crap they really are in there" heard.

  
He stepped away, no longer feeling the strange desire to be nosey and reached a hand over to knock lightly against the faded door. Yuu heard the voices stop, followed by shuffling feet until a few locks turned and the door came open. He craned his neck upward, greeting Asahi with a slight wave, the other hand holding onto the strap on his bag tightly.

  
“Oh! Nishinoya, you’re here. I was worried for a bit that you wouldn’t know how to get here,” Asahi remarked, eyes open wide, bright smile placed on his face, “Come in, we got done with practice earlier, Tanaka is doing homework–well, trying.”

  
Asahi gestured at Ryuu, who was busy digging lines into his paper much to Yuu's amusement.

  
Yuu moved forward as Asahi stepped out of the way, briefly beating himself up for not getting up earlier. Not that he would let that show, of course, he'd rather be caught with his pants around his ankles.

  
Instead he flashed a grin, “Psh, Asahi-san! I know these streets like the back of my hand. I could never get lost.”

  
“I should know by now never to doubt your abilities, Nishinoya,” He said with a hearty laugh, closing the door and following as Nishinoya removed his shoes and tossed them aside close to the door.

  
Yuu huffed indignantly as he turned his head back, striking a pose, hip jutting out with his hand firmly placed on it, “Damn straight.”

  
Asahi stared for a moment, confused, blinking rapidly for a brief second. Time seemed to still for a quiet moment, embarrassment threatening to swallow Yuu whole. A reaction meant for comfort, antics usual used on Ryuu, it wouldn't have been a problem there. But here was Asahi, someone he could have considered a friend but not close enough, and he probable never would be.

  
The silence was giving him hives, Yuu reciting love poetry in his head when Ryuu piped up to break the still moment that lingered between Yuu and his upperclassman

  
God bless Ryuu.

  
“Oi! Noya, stop cursin’ in front of our upperclassman.”

  
He snapped back quickly, pushing his lips out comically, “Shut up, Ryuu. Asahi-san doesn’t mind and aren’t you busy failing anyway?”

  
Ryuu mocked hurt as Yuu rolled his eyes, "I'm not failing yet, I'll have you know. Probably doing better than whatever y'got in class!"

  
"Being in denial isn't healthy, you should fix that."

  
Yuu planted himself down on the couch, taking up the space right next to his best friend and tossing his bag near his feet. Asahi followed right after, seating himself on the far end and grabbing a lone blank notepad and a pencil off the coffee table that rested in front of them.

  
Asahi curled into himself, taking up a surprisingly small amount of space on the couch for someone so large.

Yuu watched him for a moment before he heard Asahi speak up, tapping his pencil against the paper, “Who doesn’t curse?”

  
“Y’ don’t. Actually. I’ve never heard it,” Ryuu replied with a wag of his finger before going back to stabbing his homework.

  
Asahi scrunched his nose in response, lips twisting into a pout, “I curse, just not often.”

  
“Ryuu, I’ll bet you 1000 yen that Asahi doesn’t curse before he graduates,” Yuu said with a smirk, eyes half lidded as he eyed his best friend.

  
Ryuu returned the expression earnestly, “Oh! You’re on, Noya.”

  
“Why did I agree to this if I knew deep down you two were going to gang up on me?”

  
“Because you never think things through,” Yuu replied coldly, raising his phone and turning on the front facing camera, messing with his hair while looking at himself.

  
“Because you underestimated our brotherly bond,” Ryuu chimed in simply.

  
Asahi only sighed, an exasperated look on his face. It looked funny on him, Yuu realized and promptly took into account. Perhaps it was just that it wasn’t made to play host to anything tonight that wasn’t a mild glare, a smile or utter defeat or delirium in light of Daichi and Suga’s teasing.

  
Yuu went back to eying himself when he no longer had an excuse to keep looking at Asahi, the gentle thrum of music that came from a small speaker set up on table filling his ears. He kind of liked it, he realized. Ryuu off to his left, muttering incoherently to every song that played, trying his hardest to capture every verse perfectly as he struggled with his homework. Asahi was to his right, humming along as well as his pencil made long drags and taps against the paper.

  
Yuu assumed he was writing, maybe practicing his calligraphy.

  
After a lengthly silence and several levels of Advance Wars on his phone later, Yuu stretched his legs out and turned his attention to Asahi, “Hey, Asahi. Y'got anything to drink in the fridge? I didn’t get a chance to eat ‘fore I got here.” It wasn’t a total lie.

  
“Noya. I’m gonna start sendin’ ya texts on the hour if ya’ don’t fix that shitty eating habit of yours. It ain’t healthy,” Ryuu reprimanded, shoving the eraser end of his pencil against the side of Yuu’s head.

  
Yuu snarled in response, shifting his focus long enough to attempt to bite at the pencil before turning back toward his upperclassman.

  
“Yeah. Just go into the kitchen. There should be some in there, actually. Dad and I went to the market yesterday,” Asahi explained, looking up then turning his attention back to whatever he was doing on the paper.

  
Yuu whistled as he got up, trotting to the kitchen, grateful it was visible from the living room. He tiptoed across the tile, reaching for the refrigerator handle. He sifted through the contents inside, moving small boxes and other items aside and grabbing three cans of coffee drinks out.

  
He was just about to close he door when he heard Ryuu tell.

  
“Now this is my song!”

  
Yuu snorted, raising his head and wiggling one of the cans at Ryuu, the other boy turning to face him excitedly as he meandered back into the living room area.

  
“Noya! It’s our song!”

  
“You’re being too loud, Tanaka,” Asahi whined, failing to hide the amusement that began to creep into his voice.

  
Yuu couldn't help but grin, eyes glinting, “I’m gonna do my dance for it.”

  
Ryuu let out a horrified gurgle, turning his head around and slumping back dramatically, “Oh god, don’t do it Noya.”

  
“I’m gonna fucking do it, Ryuu.”

  
With one hand wrapped around one of the cans and the other two tucked safely against his chest, Yuu stepped out of the kitchen and into the space behind the couch. Ryuu kept his eyes locked on Yuu as he sauntered slowly, swinging his hips purposely as hooded eyes swept over both his best friend and Asahi. Once he figured he had their undivided attention, Yuu twirled on the balls of his socked feet, slowly making his way around. He slipped in front of the coffee table, strutting, shaking, and all around looking like a jittery monkey as opposed to a skilled dancer. All for fun though. No need to be serious now.

  
Ryuu burst into a laughing fit, “What the hell are you doing?”

  
Yuu raised the sole can he held in his hand up into the air, throwing his head back momentarily, “You can’t bring down the very best, Ryuu! I’ve been practicing!" He crowed, sticking a leg up and propping it atop the coffee table.

  
“Practicing what? How to embarrass yourself in under ten seconds?”

  
“How to dance! These legs are good for more than just volleyball I’ll have you know,” Yuu shot back, dropping his leg and moving back onto his place on the couch.

  
He shoved one of the cans against the side of Ryuu's head, laughing aloud before dropping the other can by Asahi's legs. Full grin on display as he did so, something Yuu was going to be proud of later. Maybe he'd treat himself to something nice, it was about time he focus on himself a little. Yakisoba bread most likely, his parents weren't exactly fond of it, so of course he loved it enough to die for it.

  
His stomach complained at him, but before he could open his drink, Asahi looked at him. There was a sheepish grin, a common occurance, but the something flashed in his eyes. The red tinting his cheeks more obvious than usual, but nothing Yuu hadn't seen before. The only problem was that they weren't running laps, they were in Asahi's home. The air was on, and even then it wasn't hot enough to warrant it being on.

  
It was cold, but like the wave that came over his body.

  
"Thank you, Nishinoya," Was all Asahi said before grabbing a hold of his phone, texting a few words.

  
Yuu flinched a little when his own phone went off, Asahi's name indicator flashing. There was no title, the message so short he could see it without unlocking his screen.

  
His gift was in the fridge.

  
He heard himself release the breath he was holding, grateful Asahi had taken up being busy with his notepad. It gave Yuu time to collect himself, taking in another long intake of hair then letting it out again. His phone remained tightly grasped in his hands, mouth dry, parched. An adverse reaction of some kind, one he didn't have the coherence to place.

  
There was a gift for him. He had forgotten that.

  
A gift for him. Something he would like. At a juncture, a fork in the road, Yuu felt.

  
A fork at a rendezvous point, one he wasn't sure was there but wondered if the gift might be what decided which path he took. Which was well and good, Yuu reasoned.

  
It was just a matter of what he found there, and whether he'd be happier without it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They both look like death sentences, don't they?
> 
> Apologies in advance for any typos I'm running on two hours of sleep!! I actually started working again but my schedule is a bit strange and doesn't allow for much writing time.
> 
> Just sleep time.
> 
> But yeah I have already started the next chapter, I'm rearranging my outline a bit so chapter six might take a bit but thank you for your kind comments so far.
> 
> They make writing this one worthwhile.
> 
> my URL on tumblr is shafusu


	5. to continue on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just something to help tide you over.

Coming home was like coming down from a high, highly reminiscent of the times when Yuu found the house all to himself. His parents had a stash of alcoholic beverages, so  he took full advantage. There was something magical about forgetting, not just that he had a home, but who he was. There was a deep desire, etched as deep as the canals that littered his bones, to never return to this place. Home is where the heart lay, he figured the saying went, Yuu couldn’t exactly remember that. He did know, however, that if that was the case, either he never had a heart or this wasn’t home.

  
After years of strife and misgivings, he wondered if maybe both were correct.

  
Still, he entertained himself, thinking back to the events of earlier today. Ryuu went on a tangent about the ethics behind proper hygiene and maintenance, accentuating the facts with expressions and gestures to match. Asahi clung to his small paper pad, scribbling away. Yuu still couldn’t remember what the original intent of the night was, but he found himself giving that less thought than he did earlier that morning. His brain chose to focus on the fact that he let himself remain bare, exposed, bags under his eyes and healing marks visible.

  
And yet all Asahi did was smile, turn a light crimson color in time with attention being drawn to him, and stutter a healthy amount.

  
There was no commentary, nothing to suggest he cared in a negative fashion. Big toothy grins, fluttering eyelashes.

  
Yuu chewed on a thumbnail.

  
His other hand gripped tightly on the strap of his bag. It was far too late to think about something that made his gut twist uncomfortably, especially in light of how absolutely tired Yuu was.

  
Fingers brushed tentatively over the blonde and black locks that slapped lightly against his forehead, Yuu sighing aloud. If his brain chose to retain any of the thoughts that plagued him tonight, he’d try to spare the energy to interpret them in the coming days. For now, all he sought was refuge, the comfort of his covers, ignoring the little sparks that came off him as he walked.

  
Yuu dragged his feet up the short steps to his front door, pursing his lips when he found that the front door had been left ajar again. The lights were on on the inside, the TV could be heard blaring from the outside, illuminating a dark inside in a sheen of pale whites and blues. He tread carefully, finding it hard to swallow as he crept toward the open door.

  
“Yuu.”

  
The voice caused Yuu to instinctively recoil, the hairs on his back and neck standing up.

  
A figure looked in the living room, standing tall as it made its way over toward him. He always hated how much taller Nao was than him. Yuu also hated how she could come and go whenever she wanted. The privilege of having a key to the residence, one that Yuu was going to have to revoke, take her key and toss it into the ocean. Again.

  
“Mom and Dad said you’d probably be gone all night.”

  
Yuu turned his head away, refusing to make eye contact, “Just let me get to my room, Nao.”

  
“Oh, now he actually wants to be in his room, does he? That’s cute. You must’ve had a real good time if you actually want to be here,” Nao teased, eyes glinting.

  
“I–,” Yuu hissed out a haggard breath through grit teeth, “Just want to go to sleep.”

  
“Where were you? Huh?”

  
Yuu screwed his eyes shut, “Please..”

  
“Come on, Yuu-chan,” She sing-sung, “Tell your loving big sister just what you were doing out so late.”

  
Yuu whipped his head back up to face her directly, “ It’s none of your business, step off,” He growled, digging his nails into his thighs.

  
“Now he’s getting defensive,” She said in mock shock, “It must have been real nice then. Did you finally get yourself a girlfriend? Better hope she doesn’t come to her senses.”

  
Yuu took in a sharp breath, lips pressed into a fine line. His head hurt. His heart sped up to match the unbearable pulsing in his head. Blood roared in his ears, body feeling as though it was tumbling down a steep embankment. Yuu just wanted to rest, lay down on the floor in his mess of blankets and clothing. Yuu thought he had earned it, especially for having his homework done for the following day instead of an hour before his class began.

  
Or maybe he was bitter, realizing that the answer to Nao’s statement was no. There was no girlfriend, no one to hope that they would eventually come to their senses. Nao sounded so sure, and he couldn’t even find himself able to fend off against that. How could he? No one was ever going to see what he himself knew wasn’t there.

  
Yuu didn’t feel like dealing with this right now.

  
The breath he had been holding escaped his body, his insides deflating like a balloon as he turned to walk away from the front door.

  
Nao sounded offended, “Excuse me, Yuu, we were having a conversation.”

  
“And I decided to end it,” He replied simply, body moving on auto-pilot, “I’ll be back home tomorrow night.”

  
“And what if Mom and Dad find out?” He could feel her displeasure rake over his skin like needles, doing his best to ignore it.

  
“They don’t care. They haven’t seen me more than twice in the last three weeks.”

  
She muttered something, but Yuu didn’t hear it. He didn’t want to respond anyway. His focus was on finding the nearest station before the trains stopped running for the night and heading into town. He had enough money to last him the night, then he’d take the train back and head to school.

  
It didn’t take long for the station to come into view, Yuu sifted through his pockets for his pass. There was nothing but the soft chirp of bugs, the occasional flying insect that clung for dear life onto the fluorescent lights above. The area didn’t look too hospitable at night, but Yuu had come to learn not to fear it. Even in his most weakened state, he found himself on the platform and felt no fear.

  
Not from the station itself, or it’s inhabitants.

  
The bug, the lights, the man that sat off alone, quietly strumming his guitar as he walked past.

  
That very same man that decided to speak up when Yuu was a few steps away from him.

  
“Oi, aren’t you a little young to be hanging around here by yourself so late?” The man asked.

  
Yuu turned around to get a good look at him. He looked small in an over-sized coat, shaggy, long black hair curtained his eyes partially. Beard, guitar, he almost looked like a hermit. If it wasn’t for the fact he spoke with clarity, Yuu might have assumed he was just a random drunk.

  
He narrowed his eyes at the stranger, stress and lack of sleep making him irate and bold, “I’m not sure you have much room to comment, Scruffy-san.”

The older man let out a laugh, giving the guitar situated on his lap another brush of his fingers, a light singular tune ringing in the air, “You’re probably right, I have no room to pry,” He said with a smile, “Call me Saaki, by the way.”

  
Yuu quirked a brow, resisting the urge to smile in the light of being right, “No, I didn’t think so, Saaki-san,” He agreed wholeheartedly with a nod, fingers fiddling with the shoulder strap of his bag.

  
“How about this then, might I ask where you’re headed instead?” Saaki said bemusedly, though his tone lacked any real venom to add to the amusement.

  
Yuu chose to oblige

  
“To town.”

  
“Is something interesting happening in town?”

  
“No,” Yuu shook his head, “Nothing interestin’. Where are you headed, Saaki-san?”

  
“Me? I’m headed home,” Saaki answered, Yuu canting his head to the side in curiosity.

  
The older man caught Yuu’s expression, laughing once again, this time louder than the first, but the sound deep all the same, “Y’look like you don’t believe me. Not that I can really blame you when I look like this. I can only expect to be judged.”

  
Yuu felt a stone or two dislodge themselves, falling into the black ocean. His lips pursed briefly, deciding a stranger was a better place to pick up and toss rocks to–easier to–than someone whom already knew him. A stranger meant he never had to see them again, nothing more than a passing face in a sea of bodies.

  
“Saaki-san. You have a home?”

  
“Yes. I do,” He said proudly, eyes filling with a soft emotion Yuu couldn’t quite place. One that made his stomach twist as he went on, “And a son to go with that home, a very bumbling son.”

  
“Is that why you asked me where I was going? Do I remind you of your son?” Yuu pressed on, earning yet another chuckle as Saaki shook his head.

  
“No, no. Not exactly. My son and you look vastly different. I was speaking more in reference to myself.”

  
That caught Yuu off guard, “How come?”

  
“When I was younger, I liked to frequent stations in the middle of the night for no real reason. A rebel, I suppose. I liked to think of them as my great escape, at the time,” Saaki explained briefly, “I’ve been out at this hour for much of my life after my son was born. You don’t normally see young people here, unless they’re looking for a great escape of their own.”

  
Yuu hummed thoughtfully, rubbing a hand over his forearm, “Sometimes a great escape is what you need.”

  
Saaki went on to strike another cord, “Absolutely, but everyone must eventually come back home.”

  
Yuu scrutinized the older man under the pale lights that illuminated the platform, a judgmental stare. Saaki only smiled in return, unfazed by Yuu’s apparent distaste.

  
“Even on days where I feel the need to escape, I remember my son. He’s taller than me, much stronger, and someone could probably confuse him for my brother, but he’s still just a boy. A boy that rests his hope with me, and truly makes that home, home. I imagine you might also have someone that would very much like to see you in the morning.”

  
At that, Yuu thought back to Rei, the youngest of the Nishinoya children.. How eager she was to help him with the foundation for his face on days he couldn’t be bothered to get it on right. She even snuck snacks into his room for him when the whole family was home but she knew Yuu wouldn’t be leaving his room any time soon. Even on days where he felt like he was going to suffocate, she was there. She made home feel like home, just like Ryuu did.

  
Ryuu, who would probably kill him if he found out that Yuu didn’t at least come over to his place after his brief spat with Nao. At least until Nao left. Rei would understand then, she was small, but she wasn’t stupid. Yuu went as far as to consider her brighter than anyone he knew.

  
Then there was the budding sphere that contained another name. It was scrawled in illegible lettering, but he didn’t have to read it to know who it belonged to. A fleeting burst of cool, just like the ice cream from the fridge. Concrete blips of bright white happiness over a sea of dark. Something Yuu couldn’t understand, yes, but not all of it. There were segments he already knew, senses of familiarity, it was all he needed for now.

  
Yuu stepped closer, sitting down next to Saaki, who looked down at him with an understanding he didn’t know a human could possess. The power of strangers, he found, someone who would bring another blip, something to tide him over. Something to help Yuu continue on.

He’d head to Ryuu’s house in an hour or two.

  
“Saaki-san?”

  
“Yeah, kiddo?” The older man responded, Yuu smiling softly up at him, gesturing at the instrument in his hands.

  
“Can you play a song on that guitar?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was done and I couldn't resist posting it now, especially considering that the first four were just updates and edits of the original chapters and this is the first totally new one i've written since november.
> 
> They're going to increase in length but I will try to always meet my five page minimum. A sporadic update schedule, and for that I'm sorry.
> 
> Thank you to everyone whose kudo'd and left comments so far, I'm glad you're enjoying this.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a series I began last year, I'm going to be updating it soon. But I wanted to get it here first.
> 
> A slow story of overcoming boundaries slowly, relationships don't heal wounds, and there's nothing wrong with being scared.
> 
> These are written as five page bursts. 
> 
> My URL on tumblr shafusu


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